Fiasco: Tales of Accordia

We played Fiasco with the Tales from Suburbia playset.

Our scene begins in the suburb of Accordia, Oregon, the Accordion Capital of the World.

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Our cast:

Steph: Pronounced Steve. Owner of Accordion to Steph, an established accordion store. Rival with Fred.

Fred: Accountant/owner of the Squeezebox, a new, hip accordion store across the street from Accordion to Steph. The Squeezebox is actually a money laundering front for the Cioppino family, and there are $500,000 in South American bail bonds in the back room (formerly $1,000,000).

Sophia: stepdaughter of a now deceased mobster of the Cioppino family. Works at the Squeezebox and embezzles money there. Also a Pastafarian cultist.

Frankie: the cook at an Italian restaurant, in the same cult as Sophia. Cousin to Steph, the accordion shop owner. Frankie and Sophia share a secret: at her request, he poisoned her stepfather with his cooking.

Need (we messed up and had two):

Sophia needs to commit a crime that is actually justice done.

Fred needs to stand up for himself.

Object: $1,000,000 in South American bail bonds

Location: a gun and surplus store

Tilt: fear that ends in failure

ACT ONE

Steph plots with Frankie to avenge himself on his business rival Fred by seducing Fred at a city event at the restaurant Frankie works at. Fred, noticing Steph creepily watching him across the street (while playing the accordion), goes to confront Steph with a gun in his waistband (urged by Sophia, who calls her mobster ex Dan to provide backup). The two trade words about the state of the accordion industry (Steph prefers vintage, Fred sells hip, electric accordions), and Steph’s name is mispronounced multiple times.

Steph challenges Fred to an accordion duel, dubbed the Squeeze-off, which Fred accepts.

Frankie and Sophia conduct an occult ritual in the restaurant where he works. The sauce churns and bubbles, and a single meatball rises to the surface -- a sign from the Flying Spaghetti Monster!  He convinces her that the Flying Spaghetti Monster wants them to take down the Cioppino family and run Fred out of town. Sophia has reservations because Fred is like a brother to her, but she agrees.

Later, a fire occurs at Frankie’s restaurant - and Frankie is fired by his boss Guido.

Back at the Squeezebox the next day, Fred gets advice on the best way to prepare for the Squeeze-off from Sophia, who advises him that the best way to win is to focus on image instead of technique - if Fred wants to win this accordion duel, he needs to look the part: spiky hair, leather jacket, tattoos, and piercings. They try to settle on a song -- originally, they decide to go for Metallica, until a visitor to the store mentions that Metallica has recently been accused of racism against the Danish. Black Sabbath is also vetoed for similar reasons.

Sophia calls her ex Todd from the Giuliani family, asking him to come to town and take over from the Cioppinos. There’s an awkward moment when it turns out that Todd’s bodyguard is also Sophia’s ex. Todd agrees to make his move at the Squeeze-off.

Frankie goes out drinking at a bar, fails to flirt, and talks to the bartender about his feelings for Sophia. Sophia and Todd walk in -- things get tense between Todd and Frankie, while Sophia slips off to the bathroom.

ACT TWO

The Squeeze-off arrives, which is attended by a grand total of twelve people (and can no longer be held at the restaurant that burned down): Jerry Springer emcees as the two accordionists play. Fred reveals his new piercings and his new moniker: he is now Fierce Freddie, and he plays a song of his own devising! Steph pulls out an antique accordion...which falls apart in his hand. Before Jerry Springer can declare a victory for Fred, Frankie pulls out a gun and tries to shoot Fred.

After the Squeeze-off, Steph is ruined: his cousin tried to murder everyone and he lost the Squeeze-off. Hanging out at the bar, he sees Fred and successfully seduces Fred with their mutual love of accordions. They spend the night together.

Fred discovers that Steph only slept with him for revenge. Steph pleads with him: it originally began as just revenge, but it became something more. Steph fell in love.

Back in the shop, Fred then gets a call from Boss Cioppino: he wants the bonds now, all $1,000,000 of them. Counting, Fred realizes that Sophia has been embezzling and confronts her. As they’re discussing what to do, an IRS auditor comes to visit and tells them to contact him in three days, based on some irregularities in Fred’s tax returns. Afraid of both the mob and the IRS, Sophia and Fred ponder what to do next.

Steph bails Frankie out of jail, and he and Fred confront Frankie for his actions. Sophia shows up as well, expressing her betrayal that Frankie would try to shoot her only friend, and Frankie says that he wishes he hadn’t disappointed her. Sophia suggests that there’s a way to redeem himself and slips him the tax auditor’s card -- maybe he could make some pasta for the man, the same way he did for her stepfather.

Steph prepares to sell off his accordion store and move to Mexico -- maybe he can share the love of the accordion with them. He asks Fred to go with him, and Fred agrees.

Fred arranges a meeting with Todd (Sophia’s mobster ex from another family) and arranges to lure Boss Cioppino to a gun store, where Todd can shoot him down. The two of them notice Sophia walking hand in hand with a man. At Todd’s distress, Fred assures him that they’re brother and sister. Sophia begins making out with the man. “That’s just how they greet people in their country,” Fred claims.

It actually turns out that Sophia was making out with her girlfriend, Rachel -- who had been mistaken for a man from the distance. Todd arrives and asks her what the meaning of this was. Sophia claims that they’re just friends. Rachel agrees - they’re sleepover friends! Naked sleepover friend! Sophia, trying to hide her relationship with Rachel because she wants Todd to kill Boss Cioppino for them, claims that Rachel is just flirting with Todd (“she likes threesomes”) and persuades Todd to kill Boss Cioppino for them, not realizing that Fred has already done so. Once Todd leaves, she and Rachel return to making plans to go to Brazil.

Frankie walks out of his apartment, wondering at the mess that he’s made of his life. Sophia doesn’t care about him, he’s gone to jail, his restaurant burned down and he’s jobless… He sees Todd, but as they begin to talk, a black car drives by. “The Cioppinos send their regards,” someone inside the car shouts, as a spray of bullets hits Frankie. He only has enough time for a last  text to Steph - “Have fun in Mexico, LOL”.

EPILOGUE

Steph and Fred go to Mexico, but their relationship suffers. The accordion business never takes off. Fred is happy and fulfilled, after surviving mobsters and winning an accordion duel, and he abandons the accordion in favor of the guitar. Steph is less fortunate -- he dislikes Mexico and finds that the relationship loses the spark after Fred takes up the guitar and leaves.

Sophia and Rachel escape to Brazil. When they land, Sophia sees her ex and stepbrother, Tony Cioppino, in front of her. “You killed my father,” he says. A gun presses into Sophia’s back. Behind her, she hears the voice of Rachel, the only person she has ever truly loved: “You didn’t think I really loved you, did you, darling?”

When Steph reaches Accordia, he visits Frankie’s lawyer. He is Frankie’s designated heir, and he inherits Frankie’s meager possessions: some bric-a-brac, an Amazon Prime account, and $128...just enough to cover the trip back to Accordia.